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Friday, July 01, 2005

Hi, my name is Pete and I'm a coffeeholic.

While I love working at my new office, there are some things about my old job that I truly miss.

For instance, at my old job, the office provided coffee in the form of these little packets that you would place in this contraption which would spit out some hot, brown, coffee-flavored liquid that, while maybe not technically coffee per se, it performed the function of keeping you awake. And it was free.

At my new job, however, we have no such perk. And surprisingly enough, the coffee was AWESOME at my old job compared to my new one. Coffee comes in two forms:

1) The Maxwell House instant coffee vending machine in the breakroom. For $0.25 (or if you're willing to splurge, $0.35 for the "venti" cup), you can get a steaming cup of something that for the life of me reminds me (in both taste and color) of hot sewage. Honestly, the worst coffee I have ever tasted. And at $0.35 a cup, and the amount of coffee I drink, I could pull the entire airline industry out of it's slump with the revenue generated by this crap.

2) There is a huge, industrial coffee maker in the copy room that is actually Maxwell House brewed coffee, but supposedly costs $0.15 a cup. There are big signs saying "THIS COFFEE IS NOT FREE. IT IS $0.15 A CUP. THIS APPLIES TO EVERYONE." The only problem is that I have no idea where to put the $0.15. There is no change slot on the machine. There isn't a change jar or a fabricated can to deposit the money. So I've just been leaving a dime and a nickel by the sugar and creamer. I have no idea if the money is going to the people facilitating the machine or to the cleaning people. But hey, my conscience is clean.

Now, while the second situation may sound ideal, this machine is circa 1983 and doesn't look like it has ever really been cleaned. So there's this black layer of coffee resin hanging on the machine. And while the coffee is only $0.15 a cup, it's still not all that good. I had to find a solution.

You know you have a serious coffee addiction when you actually have a coffee maker sitting on your desk at the office. I just bought a coffee maker for that purpose.

Hopefully people won't freak out too much when I bring this mofo in... I don't want to be "the guy who has the coffee maker on his desk".

(Honestly, if I had to be defined as such, I'd much rather be one of the following:
*"the guy who deserves to be promoted immediately"
*"the guy who has great taste in music"
*"the guy with the beautiful sports car"
*"the guy who is the Greatest American"
*"the guy with really great abs")

I'm off to Tennessee for another wedding, but look for "Does that shit really work?" part one to hit the weblog on Monday or Tuesday. I'm gonna do some field research that you guys can count on.


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