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Sunday, June 26, 2005

Tennesee Wedding, Part I

This weekend, K and I spent the weekend in Tennessee, celebrating the marriage of one of her closest friends from college. My wife was a bridesmaid in the wedding. One of the other bridesmaids is a close friend of K's, and happens to be married to a guy who I get along with amazingly well. So while our wives were out doing "bridesmaidsy shit", we spent the three days eating Waffle House hashbrowns, watching movies at the local movie theatre, drinking beer, and watching baseball.

Being the husband of a bridesmaid is a perfect arrangement, because you have no real obligations. Your only responsibilities are to be at the right place at the right time wearing the right attire and, occasionally, bringing the right supplies (e.g. beer, cigarettes, handkerchiefs, Advil, etc). And while you have no responsibilities, you still get to go to all of the events that are quintessential to the wedding culinary experience (sans, of course, the bridesmaid's luncheon the day of the wedding).

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A small aside: If you want to liven up the wedding ceremony itself, gather a group of people together the night before the wedding and gamble on how long the wedding ceremony is going to last. For instance, write one or five minute increments down, depending on the number of participants, on individual sheets and draw from a hat. Whoever has the closest time from when the bride comes THROUGH the doors to when the bride's FEET cross back through the doors again wins the money.

There are several critical factors you must take into account. For example, in a Christian wedding scenario, you must consider:

1) The type of ceremony-- Episcopal ceremonies are notoriously short, while Catholic ceremonies can sometimes span several days.
2) Whether the priest is fast or slow talker
3) Is there communion served?
4) Is there a homily?
5) How big is the church? Will the bride have to
6) Is the bride Jennifer Wilbanks?
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The wedding was short and sweet (delivering the cash to yours truly with a time of 22:00). And the reception was awesome. There was the obligatory "which bridesmaid is going to hook up with which groomsmen" debate, "when are we going to eat" discussion, and "I hope that the cop who was at the front of the party when we drove in isn't there when we drive out" comment.

K and I woke up this morning feeling awful. The nauseating smell of scotch seemed to be everywhere. Coffee was nowhere to be found, and it was a good couple of hours before I was even able to eat a greasy breakfast. K seemed to be taking it a bit harder than me-- she did the "Technicolor yawn" three times before we started our journey back down to Atlanta. But a good hearty breakfast, a cup of coffee, a dose of Advil Cold and Sinus, and a nice long drive seemed to cure everything for me.

However, while my wife hid underneath a blanket (a la Jennifer Wilbanks) and slept, I came up with a great idea for a segment here on Specific Gravity... I was thinking about how that stuff, Chaser, might have prevented the hangover I fiercely battled earlier this morning. And then I wondered, 'does that shit really work'? So I thought I could have an occasional experiment entitled, "Does That Shit Really Work?", that would be fully documented and hopefully informative. I've got a couple of ideas, but if you have suggestions, please let me know.

And look for the first installment of "Does That Shit Really Work?" soon.

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Two weekends ago, I too was in this position being the boyfriend of a bridesmaid. I actually got into town too late for all of the festivities that go along with the ceremony, but I heard they were not all that great anyway. But I can share a few things that a guy can do to help make the event enjoyable.
1) Wherever the ceremony is being held always sit on the groom's side. Try to sit near an uncle or cousin who will be talking about what went down at the bachelor party. That is always a great source of entertainment.
2) You can play the, "If I were single, which bridesmaid/guest would I want to get with" game.
2a) Offer to take pictures of the bridal party so you will have something to remember the occasion and show to your buddies when you get back home. Remember to zoom in on the gal you chose in item 2.
2b) Another benefit of having a camera with you is that in the event that the wedding starts an hour late you can read up on all the camera's features in the manual. Unfortunately, I know from experience.
I have two more weddings to attend before the summer is out so I'm sure I will have more suggestions. I am a groomsman in one of them and will be forced to wear linen pants and flip flops. Even though the ceremony will take place on a beach, I am having a little trouble accepting the flip flops. But I am getting there slowly but surely.
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