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Thursday, December 08, 2005

It's official

I have heard the worst song I've ever laid ears on. It has happened.

While hanging out with Andy and Rusty and a couple of Rusty's friends, the topic of bad music came about. And the song we discussed was mentioned a couple of times this week on the internets.

I thought the worst song of the year was a lock for "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani. But it has been SOUNDLY beaten.

"My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I guess the Peas followed their own advice and "got retarded".


Even "Hollaback Girl", or "Jenny from the Block", or "Slave 4 U" (probably the top three BAD songs for the last five years) have some shred of musical integrity. They're all bad songs, sure, but they've got something else there once you get past the shitty concept. Good beats, a decent hook... what have you.

Once you get past the shitty concept with this song, you're still knee deep in shit.

Look, I know what they were going for. You've got a female singer that loves to gyrate around and shake her ass. You want to leverage off that? Okay, I'll buy that... It's not like songs haven't been written about such things before and done well (see Britney Spears' entire career aside from the few songs where she's talking about being a girl, not yet a woman).

But the lyrics of this song sound like they were written by a sixth grader.

"My Lovely Lady Lumps"? That's just disgusting.

Gravy has lumps. Mashed potatoes have lumps. When you talk about your "lady lumps", I don't want to take you home or buy you Dolce and Gabana, I want to take you to the doctor to get that shit checked out, girl.

You know what? The more time I spend on this song, the more popularity it gains. This song is not for good. It is for evil.

America needs an eight minute guitar solo right now, not "What you gonna do with all that ass / All that ass inside them jeans?".

So for the good of the children, stop thinking about it. (Although I know those of you who have heard it have it stuck in your head.) Stop talking about it. Nothing to see here...


UPDATE (12/16/04)
As you may have found in the comments, "Wild Cherry Sara" has pointed out a ridiculous remix of a ridiculous song. Go get your asses love drunk of Fergie's hump.

And my boy over at Defective Yeti discussed the topic with his wife... almost the same conversation I had with my wife, K.

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The more I think about it, "Lady Lumps" sounds like a euphamism for a veneral disease. Meaning, I should really stop thinking.

Damn you for putting that song in my brain. Damn you!

oh, tampy, have you seen this?


The worst song just got more... interesting. But I definitely was noddin' my head.

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